The Burden Of A God
by Hmiana
Summary: In the aftermath of Ragnarok, Thor feels the weight of everything and can't get a grip on his emotions. It doesn't help that the person he loves is alive, but loves to see him suffer. Slash (please review I'm new to this)


As Thor sat in his room, reality began to set in. All the things that he had lost over the last few days, continued to play through his mind. First his father, then his hammer, his friends, his eye, and of course his home. He could only curl in on himself  
from the weight of it all. He rested his head in his hands, but couldn't stop the feeling of uselessness that overwhelmed him. As his body began to shake, small crackles of lightning began appearing over his white knuckles. He knew that he would have  
to stifle his cries, as he had an entire ship in his care, and couldn't bear the thought of his people seeing him in such a state. He struggled to keep the tears from falling, but couldn't stop them all.

His breath hitched in his chest when he heard a voice coming around the corner of his doorway.  
"Heimdall said that I should come check on you for the life of me I have no idea what he was think-…."  
Loki paused mid sentence. He couldn't believe the sight before him. He'd always thought that he had wanted to see his brother broken, but to witness this with his own eyes was shocking.

Thor pushed his face further into his hands, and hoped that his brother would just find the decency to leave him. However, Loki continued to stare in silence.

When Thor couldn't handle the tense silence any further, he managed to croak out "brother, as you can see, I'm not really in the state to entertain you at the moment".

Loki, still too startled by the state of his brother, didn't move. He stood frozen to the spot. He knew that Heimdall must've sent him in here seeing the condition of his brother, but why he sent Loki was beyond his understanding.

"Brother…you can't seriously be crying?" Loki said with uncertainty.

A small spark crackled from Thor's hands.

"I believe this is a normal response when you have lost everything", Thor looked up to Loki finally and continued with bloodshot eyes, tears streaming down his face, "I have lost my mother, my eye, my friends, my father, and my home Asgard, all at my  
own hand. I've essentially lost everyone to have ever loved me, and I was useless to stop any of it!". Thor was nearly yelling by the end.

But then in a quieter voice, he said "I don't know that I should stay with these beautiful Asgardians as I only bring misfortune and tragedy to wherever I happen to be".

Loki felt cold seep through his body at the thought of his bright, sunny brother giving up on everything. This wasn't right and he knew it. And something his brother had said didn't well with Loki.

"I love you", the words were blurted before he could think them through. "And you can't blame yourself for anything that has happened around you, our parents would not have wanted you to punish yourself so."  
Thor's head shot up to look at his brother.

He knew he must've misheard, or that Loki was playing a very mean joke on him. He knew he loved his brother, he'd always known he felt more strongly for him than any other person in his life, but couldn't ever confirm that Loki felt anything other contempt  
in return. When Thor had found out that Loki was adopted he internally cheered but couldn't ever pinpoint why, until later on when Jane was breaking up with him explaining how she felt like her world with stop without him around. She explained that  
she needed to pull away because she loved him too much while she knew Thor didn't love her equally. But in the moment she described him as the one true love of her life he pictured Loki briefly in his mind and knew with a heavy heart that he loved  
him as a soulmate. When he thought Loki was dead, he felt cold and dead inside as well. But never in his wildest dreams did he think his brother loved him.  
Thor voiced his confusion, "What did you just say?"

Loki didn't know what else to do so he knelt in front of the strongest man he's ever known, and placed his hands against his shoulders tightly, "you said you had lost everyone who has ever loved you, but I'm here. Please, please just don't cry, don't  
break dear brother, I cannot bear to see you like this!" Loki pleaded.

Thor looked into the eyes of his brother a mere two inches from his own, and said "Loki, there is another burden I bear that I cannot discuss with you, but it weighs heavily on me. I was able to carry it silently thinking that I was spared from facing  
the reality of the situation, but having you back has made that significantly more difficult."

Loki looked taken aback, and felt immediately it must have to do with their fathers death and his past actions. He stated calmly as his hands fell from Thor's arms "if it would be of assistance to you and our people, I am willing to leave your company."

Thor grabbed Loki hard by his hands and frantically said "no, brother please, I cannot handle to lose one more precious thing to me in this moment. I do not think I could withstand it."

Loki felt heat within his hands but blamed it on the lightening from his brother's palms, and the fear that settled in the pit of his stomach over his brothers words.

"The please, tell me what burdens your mind and I may be able to provide insight," Loki said with a pleading edge.

Thor looked into his brother's eyes and Loki could see the anguish in his gaze. He wondered what could be causing his brother so much turmoil.

"I've always fought for you, been willing to defend you, searched for you to the edges of space, and would be willing to lay down my life for you", Thor said with some trepidation, "don't you ever wonder why I can't just leave you be?"

"Well, it's always been your nature to care for others, even for somebody like me." Loki said with a small smile. What he didn't see coming was his brother's next move.

Thor leaned forward and kissed Loki firmly, and as soon as the kiss had started he pulled away with his head once again falling into his hands.

Thor said with some difficulty, "see my problem now, dear _brother_ , I am a deplorable individual who has fallen in love with you, even when you've gone so far as to try to abandon me, lie to me, or kill me, I still cannot shake this feeling. So please,  
see yourself out so that I may be alone." Thor's shoulders were rolled forward and Loki could sense the shame rolling off of him. He was shocked at what had just transpired to say the least. What his brother had not realized was that Loki had been  
wishing for this exact thing for so many years. All the years of teasing and mischief was Loki's only way taking out frustration on his brother. He didn't act on his emotions for the sake of decorum, and because Thor had never shown the slightest  
interest in him before thinking he had died. Loki looked at Thor and placed his hands delicately against the sides of his face.

Loki leaned forward, and said "you have always been my heart, I never aimed to truly harm you, in my own way though of dealing with the feelings I thought could never be returned I had grown bitter. I treated you so poorly out of resentment for what I  
thought I could not have."

Thor had stilled, unsure he had heard correctly, he was afraid to move.

Loki continued, "I hope that you might allow yourself some forgiveness, afterall, as my _adopted_ brother I cannot allow you to fall into such despair."

Thor glanced up at the word adopted, understanding Loki's meaning behind it. When he did, his hand rose to his eye patch and his gaze clouded once again.

Loki saw the motion, "No, no, no, you cannot blame yourself, and the loss of your eye was only proof of your willingness to save your people and to right any wrongs."

And this time, it was Thor who felt the sudden motion of lips against his own. What his brother had said calmed him, just the fact that he had provided such comfort in a moment of grief made him feel that Loki's words and actions were true. The kiss deepened  
as Thor began to forgive himself for everything. Lost in the feeling of Loki's slight touches he caved to his own and firmly wrapped his hands into Loki's hair. He began to piece together everything his brother had said, and the past started to make  
more sense. Loki never hated him, he loved him.

Thor pulled away for a moment, and saw something surprising. Loki had tears in the corner of his eyes, at this Thor said, "please, don't leave me, I love you to end and back, and whether it's right or wrong, you're what I want." At this, Thor pulled Loki  
from where he was kneeling in front of him into the bed he was sitting on.

His hands roamed over every inch of Loki's body, "if you want me to stop god of mischief, you had better tell me now."

Loki, in slight disbelief of the turn of events, stuttered out, "I-I- don't want to stop."

Thor slid the dark green robes off of Loki's shoulders, and grazed his hand along his bare neck eliciting a slight moan from his object of affection. He moved on to removing the remaining clothing, but before he got very far, they had been magicked away.  
Loki gave a small smirk, and Thor kissed him deeply. Bringing his hands down to his naked hips and having slid between his legs, he gave a rough push against his brother which earned him a deep moan. Loki tore at Thor's shoulders as bucked up into  
him asking for more, and he was not disappointed. Thor lifted him slightly so that he was kneeled between his spread legs, and looking down at the fair god was the most enticing sight Thor had ever seen. His skin was flushed and glistened while he  
panted below him too prideful to verbally request what his body was begging for. Thor saw it all though, and starting just above his navel licked his way up to his brother's collar where he gave a firm bite, triggering a low groan and a rolling motion  
of the hips below him. The mark left behind was pink against marble. And Thor could last no more. He positioned himself at Loki's entrance and held firm just above his hip bones, knowing it may hurt to push in suddenly he hesitated for a moment until  
he saw the glistening of magic as Loki had already taken care of the problem, Thor thrust in.

The feeling of being completely surrounded by Loki was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Loki squirmed below him and settled into a soft pant, before Thor began to push in and out while watching the thin Loki stifle his moans. Thor thought  
to himself that just wouldn't do, and he picked up his pace hitting a spot a little deeper within his brother, and earning himself a cry of pleasure from those mischievous lips. Loki couldn't hold out much longer, with the golden skinned god above  
him pounding into his spot over and over, he felt like he was in a dream.

Loki cried out "deeper, harder, y-you won't break me." Knowing his brother had probably always held back for fear of hurting his partners, he instead enjoyed the roughness and the slight twinge of pain that accompanied it. No sooner had the words left  
his mouth did Thor gain speed and curled himself slightly into his brother as he grabbed Loki's thighs and pushed them further apart. Loki was being driven into the bed frame with each thrust and loving every second of it.

Thor managed a few words between moans of his own, "I'm c-com-ing," and motioned to pull back, but Loki firmly dug his hands into the shoulders above him, and ground out "don't you dare move, come in me." At which Thor gave several particularly firm thrusts  
and leaned down to kiss Loki roughly, finally succumbing to his climax. Below him the feeling of heat and the crushing weight of those final movements pushed Loki over the edge and soon too he was shooting his seed across their abdomens and chest.  
Thor stayed still for a moment just pushing his tongue against Loki's while he slowly gave a few small thrusts riding out the sensation before falling to the side of his lover.

Loki could hardly keep his eyes open in the aftermath, and said between heavy sighs "that was amazing brother dear, next time use a little lightening."

To which Thor laughed, responding with "I'm glad there will be a next time." As he pulled him closer he rested his chin against his shoulder not wanting this dream to end.

Loki responded with amusement tinging his voice, "only if you promise never to let me see you crying again."

Thor understood there was a seriousness under the humor, a small amount of fear, so in reassurance he held his brother's gaze and said, "I won't allow this to ruin me, not when you've shown me something worth living for again."

And Loki would deny it, but he let out a sigh of relief.

Then a thoughtfulness passed over Thor's face, and he said "Heimdall sent you? What did he want you to tell me?"

Loki paused, and realized they had been played. He said with some annoyance, "I think he saw you and realized some of what had been weighing on you, and already knowing my emotions for you decided it was time to intervene, that snake."

Thor laughed and said with affection, "I love snakes, I'llhave to thank him later for being a good friend."

Loki pouted slightly at the fondness in his brother's voice and Thor caught sight, "but you must know that I love no individual the way I love you, I will protect you on Midgard, and stand by your side for eternity if you will have me."

Loki rolled over with the pink coloring his cheeks at his brother's embarrassing words, "of course you dumb god, I love you," Loki paused, "and I won't ever hurt you again." 


End file.
